Anxiety Turtle Flies United Economy

Gosh, I'm really gonna miss Southwest's open seating!

Good day and welcome to the seven new Brainees who have joined since my last post! This week involved a trip out east to see my rather intrepid #vanlife parents for a bit. Not exactly what I was planning, but not a bad time to see fall colors! (Everyone else thinks so too, as there are ZERO rental cars in the entire state.) Also, fun fact: Between my parents and me, there will be precisely one big toenail.

I’ll have you know that I Cory packed for this trip in record time, and I he somehow fit everything into a single checked bag, which is half of what I usually need.

Due to my travels, I’m sharing a drawing from the archives this week, about anxiety. Mine has gotten much better lately, and I’m feeling more like me, thanks in part to a medication that made me gain FIFTEEN POUNDS basically overnight. (I figured this out for the first time in Hawai’i, when getting weighed prior to boarding a helicopter, and have not stopped complaining about it since.) So, now all of my anxiety about social situations has been redirected to anxiety about my looks, plus anxiety about whether or not to buy an entire new wardrobe. My current solution to the problem: wearing the same pair of baggy pants every single day.

ANYWAY, here is the original post, from September 2023….

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It's been a difficult week. My body is in full revolt. Writing is hard.

One of the problems I’m dealing with (in addition to migraines) is anxiety. Though I've struggled with anxiety in many forms for a long time, I live in constant denial of this fact. I'm not a "Type A" personality, nor am I a perfectionist, so I'm not anxiety's ideal candidate. (I am, however, a woman with hormones and a busted up nervous system, which is not the best combination for a calm brain.)

My previous therapist often told me I had anxiety, but I ignored her. (Sorry, Cindy!) When I think of me, I don't see myself struggling with being in large groups, or around kids, or in new places. The me I remember loves people, loves adventure, loves travel. I'm not even an introvert, or at least, I wasn't before the migraines. I prefer to think of myself as an extrovert with a brain that hates parties, dinners, movie theaters, and, you know...people. I am, essentially, at war with myself.

Living in constant ignorance of my anxiety makes me the worst anxious person ever. My attacks often follow low-key social gatherings, for example, because I forget that large groups make me anxious and I jump in head first and start loading up my plate with chips and jumping into conversations and la-tee-da until Oh, why is my heart racing? Hm, I’ve stopped breathing. And am I having trouble thinking?

The old Natalie is still under there, I hope. But for now, I am learning to live with anxiety, to wear this shoe despite it feeling two sizes too small. My strategy involves sharing about it more often, and keeping a stash of chips at home that I can eat by myself, whenever I want.

Cory said something memorable the other day when I was coming off an anxiety attack and bemoaning how I feel like a hollowed-out version of who I once was. I drew it up as a little cartoon, I hope you enjoy it! If you know someone with anxiety, maybe print it out and write them an encouraging note? Or if you're lazy like me, just send this post to them along with some cute emojis.

Have a good weekend, friends! Replies and comments are always open, I love hearing from you!

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