Crappy Drawing: The Map of Puppy Destruction
Did you know that it’s possible to clone a pet dog? For just $50,000 per clone, Fido can be your friend forever!
When we got our first dog, Donut, he was already seven years old and deeply traumatized. He was afraid of other dogs, afraid of us, even afraid of stepping on the cracks in the sidewalk. So my husband Cory and I agreed last night that if dog cloning ever goes on sale at Costco, we’d try Donut over again.
The topic of dog cloning came up because we were looking for pet insurance recently. No, not for Donut—he is thirty-five pounds of pre-existing condition, so he’s not coverable. Cloned pets are, likewise, not coverable. But Cory’s Christmas gift to me, the gift that earned him a permanent exhibit in the Husband Hall of Fame, is.
Her name is Honey, and she’s a 9-month-old mutt (DNA test is pending, check back here for updates). Cory got her for me shortly after I started pain reprocessing therapy for my migraines.
Pain reprocessing therapy aims to re-train the nervous system away from pain by teaching the unconscious “primitive” part of the brain to feel safe and secure. My pain psychologist, bless her heart, suggested that pets are often helpful in reducing anxiety and increasing the brain’s sense of emotional safety.
When I told Cory this, we both knew what I was implying: I needed another dog. Because Donut has PTSD of his own, he’s pretty much the worst companion imaginable. He ignores me, groans when I hug him, and leaves the room when I cry. He is a very funny dog, but he is not even remotely sweet or loving.
Cory said no at first. “We can’t handle any additional chaos right now.”
He had a point—we were barely keeping ourselves fed and watered, so another dog was probably more complication than it was worth. But then last month came around, and various things happened to make my anxiety and depression worse than ever before. So on a rainy day in mid December, after I’d been up most of the night with a raging migraine, Cory took me to the dog shelter.
Honey is, so far, everything I dreamed of in a dog. She’s cute, goofy, cuddly, and loves giving kisses. Her enthusiasm has even worn off on Donut somewhat, or at least made him jealous enough to start acting like I’m not entirely repulsive.
Honey needs a walk every day, which is a major aspect of what makes her good for me—I need the routine. (Donut hates walking.) And so far, I’ve managed to walk her nearly every day, though part of me is also terrified that I won’t be able to take good care of her all of the time, and that she’ll wish she lived with more functional humans. I’m still feeling overwhelmed with training her, too. But at the end of the day, I’m so happy to have a belly to rub that isn’t Cory’s, because Cory’s belly isn’t soft or snuggly.
Here’s a drawing I made for you, inspired by the newest addition to our family.
I lol’d at the map legend too! And my biggest laugh was “he is thirty-five pounds of pre-existing condition” 🤣
Great map! Mine would be places with dog hair and it would be like one of those millions of dots pictures that come together to make a giant pile of fur! We just canceled our pet insurance after 5yrs. They were raising the rates again and in time we've had it, we only got reimbursed 40 bucks. I would go over some scenarios with whoever your thinking about to see what will be covered.